


Everybody Loves A Clown (SEASON TWO, EPISODE TWO)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [25]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon, Episode: s02e02 Everybody Loves a Clown, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 05:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6841417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Afta tha events all up in tha hospitizzle, tha brothers have no clue where tha demon dat capped they mutha is hiding. While bidin they time tryin ta come up wit a idea, they rewind murdaz committed by a killa clown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

Medford, Wisconsin

We pan over a gangbangin' ferris wheel, past a gangbangin' fire eata n' close on two clowns entertainin a lil' girl. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch is clearly trippin' off her muthafuckin ass yo. Her muthafathas stand behind.

 **DAD  
** God, I don't give a fuck bout clowns. They always creep me out.

 **MOM**  
Shh. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch likes dem wild-ass muthafuckas.   
(leanin over)  
Last ride.

Da hoe looks over ta tha side n' seens a cold-ass lil clown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch waves, it waves back a lil creepy. Biatch tugs on her momz sleeve.

 **GIRL  
** Look, Mom, another clown!

When tha momma looks over tha clown has disappeared. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **MOM  
** What is you tryin ta do, scare yo' father?

 **DAD  
** Hey.

EXT yo. HIGHWAY - NIGHT

Da crew is rollin home from tha carnival. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Da hoe sees tha clown again, on tha side of tha road, waving. 

 **GIRL  
** Look, Mom, a cold-ass lil clown!

Da clown disappears again n' again n' again as Momma looks over.

 **GIRL  
** Yo ass missed his muthafuckin ass. 

INT yo. HOUSE - NIGHT

Da hoe be asleep up in bed n' hears something. Biatch gets up n' goes ta tha window, sees tha clown standin outside. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Smiling, she goes downstairs n' waves at him, then opens tha door ta let his ass in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude takes her hand n' enters.


	2. ACT ONE

EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

From tha fiery title card we flash ta a gangbangin' funeral pyre - JOHN'S. Da only light be reppin tha wrapped, burnin body. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Standin behind, handz up in they pockets, is SAM n' DEAN. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is near tears n' fidgeting, DEAN starin tha fuck into tha flames silently.

 **SAM  
** Before he.. before, did da perved-out muthafucka say anythang ta yo slick ass, biatch? Bout anything?

 **DEAN**  
(not lookin at SAM)  
No. Nothing. 

EXT. JUNKYARD - DAY

SUBTITLE  
One Week Later

We pan over a junkyard containin rides up in various statez of demolition.

DEAN is underneath his hoopty hustlin on it, only his hairy-ass legs stickin out. Well shiiiit, it is lil mo' than a rusted frame yo, but it looks considerably less crunched than last time. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM approaches.

 **SAM  
** Howz tha hoopty comin along?

 **DEAN  
** Slow.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, biatch? Need any help?

 **DEAN**  
(droppin suttin' heavily)  
What, you under a hood, biatch? I be bout ta pass.

 **SAM  
** Need anythang else, then?

DEAN pushes his dirty ass up from under tha hoopty n' stands.

 **DEAN  
** Quit it, Sam.

 **SAM  
** Quit what?

 **DEAN  
** Quit askin if I need anything, stop askin if I be aiiight. I be aiiight. Really. I promise. 

 **SAM  
** All right, Dean, itz just... We've been at Bobbyz fo' over a week now n' you aint brought up Dad once. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know what, biatch? Yo ass is right. Come here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I'ma lay mah head gently on yo' shoulder n' shit. Maybe we can cry, hug, n' maybe even slow dance. 

 **SAM  
** Don't patronize me, Dean, Dad is dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da Colt is gone, n' it seems pretty damn likely dat tha demon is behind all of this, n' you actin like not a god damn thang happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **DEAN  
** What do you want me ta say?

 **SAM  
** Say something, all right, biatch? Hell, say anything! Aren't you mad salty, biatch? Don't you want revenge, biatch? But all you do is sit up here all dizzle long buried underneath dis damn car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **DEAN  
** Revenge, huh?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Soundz good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Yo ass gots any leadz on where tha demon is, biatch? Makin headz or tailz of any of Dadz research, biatch? Because I shizzle ain't. But you know, if our phat asses do finally find it - oh. Fuck dat shit, wait, like you holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da Coltz gone. But I be shizzle you've figured up another way ta bust a cap up in dat shit. We've gots nothing, Sam. Nothing, aiiight, biatch? So you know tha only thang I can do, biatch? Is I can work on tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

DEAN crouches by tha hoopty again, gettin back ta work.

 **SAM**  
Well, we've gots something, all right?  
(he pulls up a cold-ass lil beeper)  
It aint nuthin but what tha fuck I came by here ta rap , biatch. This is one of dadz oldschool phones. Took me a while yo, but i cracked his voicemail code. Listen ta all dis bullshit.

SAM handz tha cell beeper ta DEAN, whoz ass standz n' takes it reluctantly. 

 **ELLEN'S VOICE  
** John, itz Ellen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Look, don't be stubborn, you know I can help you, biatch. Call mah dirty ass. 

 **SAM  
** That message is four months old. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **DEAN  
** Dad saved dat chickz message fo' four months?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Well, whoz Ellen, biatch? Any mention of her up in Dadz journal?

 **SAM  
** No. But I ran a trace on her beeper number n' I gots a address. 

 **DEAN  
** Ask Bobby if we can use one of his cars. 

EXT. ROAD - DAY

In a funky-ass beat-up, skankyly maintained minivan, DEAN n' SAM pull up ta tha Roadhouse Saloon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** This is humiliating. I feel like a gangbangin' friggin' soccer mom!

 **SAM**  
It aint nuthin but tha only hoopty Bobby had hustlin.  
(They start lookin around)  
Hello, biatch? Anybody here?

 **DEAN  
** Hey. Yo ass brang the, uh,

 **SAM  
** Of course.

Dude tosses suttin' ta DEAN, whoz ass catches dat shit. They open tha door n' go inside. Da saloon is on tha down-low except fo' a gangbangin' fly buzzin fo' realz. A light bulb blows out. They git all up in tha back n' peep a playa passed up on tha bar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **SAM**  
Yo, dawg?  
(pause)  
I be guessin dat aint Ellen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

SAM goes tha fuck into a funky-ass back room, lookin around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dean goes down tha steps, then pauses as he feels tha deal wit a glock bust a nut on his back.

 **DEAN  
** Oh god, please let dat be a rifle. 

Da glock cocks. Pan over ta reveal a bangin blond girl.

 **JO  
** Fuck dat shit, I be just real aiiight ta peep you, biatch. Don't move.

 **DEAN**  
Not moving, copy dis shit. Yo ass know, you should know something, miss. When you put a rifle on one of mah thugs, you don't wanna put it right against they back. Because it make it real easy as fuck ta do...  
(Dude turns fluidly, grabbin tha rifle n' cockin dat shit. )  
That.

JO punches his ass up in tha grill n' takes back tha rifle. DEAN doublez over, clutchin his nose.

 **DEAN**  
Sam! Need some help up in dis biatch.  
(muttering)  
I can't see, I can't even see. 

Da back door opens ta reveal SAM, both handz on his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude entas slowly. 

 **SAM  
** Sorry, Dean, I can't n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do. I be a... lil tied up.

Dude nodz his head, indicatin ELLEN, whoz ass is behind his ass wit a handgun pointed at his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **ELLEN  
** Sam, biatch? Dean, biatch? Winchester?

 **SAM n' DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **ELLEN  
** Son of a funky-ass biiiatch.

 **JO  
** Mom, you know these muthafuckas?

 **ELLEN**  
Yeah, I be thinkin these is Jizzy Winchesterz thugs.   
(Bitch lowers tha gun, laughing.)  
Yo, I be Ellen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. This is mah daughta Jo.

JO also lowers her rifle, n' DEAN smilez at her muthafuckin ass.

 **JO  
** Hey.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass aint gonna hit me again, is yo slick ass?

ELLEN is handin DEAN a lil' small-ass towel filled wit ice. 

 **ELLEN  
** Here you go.

 **DEAN  
** Thanks. Yo ass called our dad, holla'd you could help yo. Help wit what?

 **ELLEN  
** Well, tha demon, of course. I heard da thug was closin up in on dat shit. 

 **DEAN  
** What, was there a article up in tha Demon Hustlas Quarterly dat I missed, biatch? I mean, who, whoz ass is yo slick ass, biatch? How tha fuck do you know bout all this?

 **ELLEN  
** Yo, I just run a saloon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But huntas done been known ta pass all up in now n' again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Includin yo' daddy a long-ass time ago. Jizzy was like crew once.

 **DEAN  
** Oh yeah, biatch? How tha fuck come he never mentioned you before?

 **ELLEN  
** You'd gotta ask his ass dis shit. 

 **DEAN  
** So why exactly do we need yo' help?

 **ELLEN**  
Yo, don't do me any favors. Look, if you don't want mah help, fine. Don't let tha door smack yo' ass on tha way out. But Jizzy wouldn't have busted you if...   
(Bitch stops, realizing.)  
Dude didn't bust you, biatch.  
(DEAN looks down, then back at SAM.)  
Dat punk all right, aint he?

 **SAM  
** No. Fuck dat shit, he aint. Dat shiznit was tha demon, we think. It, um, it just gots his ass before he gots it, I guess. 

 **ELLEN  
** I be soopa-doopa sorry bout dat bullshit.

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but all gravy. We all right.

 **ELLEN  
** Really, biatch? I know how tha fuck close you n' yo' daddy were.

 **DEAN  
** Really, lady, I be fine.

 **SAM  
** So look, if you can help, we could use all tha help we can get. 

 **ELLEN  
** Well, we can't. But Ash will. 

 **SAM  
** Whoz Ash?

 **ELLEN  
** Ash!

Da playa passed up on tha bar jerks awake n' sits up, flailing.

 **ASH  
** What, biatch? It closin' time?

 **SAM  
** Thatz Ash?

 **JO  
** Mm-hmm. Dat punk a smart-ass . 

A brown folda is slapped down on tha bar; SAM n' ASH is chillin, DEAN standin behind dem wild-ass muthafuckas. JO is on tha other side of tha bar pourin glassez of water.

 **DEAN  
** You've gotta be kiddin me, dis muthafuckaz no smart-ass . Dat punk a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie. 

 **ASH  
** I wanna bust a nut on you, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Thanks.

 **JO  
** Just give his ass a cold-ass lil chance. 

DEAN sits n' opens tha folder.

 **DEAN  
** All right. This stuffz on some yearz worth of our dadz work, so uh, letz peep what tha fuck you make of dat shit. 

ASH pulls up tha papers n' starts riflin all up in dem wild-ass muthafuckas yo. Dude shakes his head.

 **ASH  
** Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. This crap ain't real. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. There ain't no muthafucka can track a thugged-out demon like all dis bullshit. 

 **SAM  
** Our daddy could.

 **ASH  
** There is non-parametrics, statistical overviews, prospects n' correlations, I mean.. damn! They're signs. Omens. Uh, if you can track 'em, you can track dis demon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass know, like crop failures, electrical storms... Yo ass eva been struck by lightening, biatch? It ain't fun.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass betta track it or not?

 **ASH  
** Yeah, wit this, I be thinkin so. But itz gonna take time, uh, give mah dirty ass... fifty one hours. 

Dude gets up ta muthafuckin bounce.

 **DEAN  
** Yo, man?

 **ASH  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** I, uh, I dig tha haircut. 

 **ASH  
** All bidnizz up front, jam up in tha back.

As he leaves, JO strutts by, flirtin a lil wit DEAN yo. Dude checks her up tiredly, then gets up ta follow her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM sees suttin' behind tha bar.

 **SAM  
** Yo, Ellen, what tha fuck is that?

 **ELLEN  
** It aint nuthin but a five-o scanner n' shit. We keep tabs on thangs, we...

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, no, no, no, the, um, tha folda n' shit. 

 **ELLEN  
** Uh, I was gonna give dis ta a gangbangin' playa of mine. But take a look, if you want. 

She takes a gangbangin' folda from tha wall n' places it up in front of same. Well shiiiit, it has some newspaper clippings attached ta tha front, n' on tha front, up in red marker:

 _COUPLE MURDERED_  
CHILD LEFT ALIVE  
MEDFORD, WISC.

At tha window, DEAN sits down by JO.

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck did yo' momma git tha fuck into dis stuff, anyway?

 **JO  
** From mah dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude was a hustla n' shiznit yo. Dude took a dirt nap. 

 **DEAN  
** I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **JO  
** Dat shiznit was a long-ass time ago. I was just a kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Sorry ta hear bout yo' dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **DEAN**  
Yeah. So. I guess I've gots fifty one minutes ta waste. Maybe tonight we should, uh...  
(Dude looks up at her muthafuckin ass.)  
Fuck dat shit, you know what, biatch? Never mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **JO  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Nothing, just, uh, wack place, wack time. 

 **JO**  
Yo ass know, I thought you was gonna toss me some skanky pickup line.   
(Dean chuckles, embarrassed)  
Most huntas come all up in dat door be thinkin they can git up in mah baggy-ass pants wit some... pizzy, a six pack, n' side one of Zeppelin IV.

 **DEAN  
** Well... what tha fuck a funky-ass bunch of scumbags. 

 **JO  
** Not you, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** I guess not. 

 **SAM  
** Dean, come here, check dis out. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. 

 **SAM  
** A few murders, not far from here, dat Ellen caught wind of. Looks ta me like there might be a hunt. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So?

 **SAM  
** So, I holla'd at her we'd check it out. 

EXT yo. HIGHWAY - NIGHT

Back up in tha minivan, DEAN n' SAM drive. It aint nuthin but raining; SAM has tha research open up in his fuckin lap.

 **DEAN  
** You've gotta be kiddin mah dirty ass fo' realz. A killa clown?

 **SAM  
** Yeah yo. Dude left tha daughta unharmed n' capped tha muthafathas. Ripped dem ta pieces, actually.

 **DEAN  
** And dis crew was at some carnival dat night?

 **SAM  
** Right, right. The, uh, Cooper Carnivals.

 **DEAN  
** So how tha fuck do you know our asses aint dealin wit some psycho carnie up in a cold-ass lil clown suit?

 **SAM  
** Well, tha cops have no viable leads, n' all tha hommies was tearin down shop fo' realz. Alibis all around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Plus dis hoe holla'd her big-ass booty saw a cold-ass lil clown vanish tha fuck into thin air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Cops is sayin trauma, of course. 

 **DEAN  
** Well, I know what tha fuck you thinking, Sam. Why done did it gotta be clowns?

 **SAM  
** Oh, break me off a funky-ass break.

 **DEAN**  
(laughs)  
Yo ass didn't be thinkin I'd remember, did yo slick ass, biatch? I mean, come on, you still bust up bustin up like a biatch whenever you peep Ronald McDizzle on tha televizzle. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **SAM  
** Well, at least I aint afraid of flying.

 **DEAN  
** Planes crash!

 **SAM  
** And apparently clowns kill!

 **DEAN  
** So these typez of murders, they eva happen before?

 **SAM  
** Uh, accordin ta tha file, 1981, tha Bunker Brothers Circus, same M.O. Well shiiiit, it happened three times, three different locales. 

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but weird, though, I be mean if it aint nuthin but a spirit itz probably bound ta a specific locale, you know, a house, or a town.

 **SAM  
** So howz dis one movin from hood ta hood, carnival ta carnival?

 **DEAN  
** Cursed object, maybe. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Spirit attaches itself ta suttin' n' the, uh, carnival carries it round wit dem wild-ass muthafuckas. 

 **SAM  
** Great. Paranormal scavenger hunt. 

 **DEAN  
** Well, dis case was yo' idea. By tha way, why is that, biatch? Yo ass was awfully quick ta jump on dis thang.

 **SAM  
** So?

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but just... not like you, thatz all.. n' you KNOWS you was hell-bent fo' leather on tha demon hunt. 

 **SAM  
** I don't give a fuck, I just think, dis thang, itz what tha fuck Dad would have wanted our asses ta do. 

 **DEAN  
** What Dad would have wanted?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So?

 **DEAN  
** Nothin'. 

INT. FUNHOUSE - NIGHT

A lil pimp n' his wild lil' daddy is goin all up in tha funhouse all up in tha carnival. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Da pimp is playin a hand-held vizzlegame n' not straight-up payin attention.

 **DAD  
** Peep it out. Yo, look, Evan! Scary hommie!

 **EVAN  
** Yeah, dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Scary.

 **DAD  
** Fuck dat shit, itz over here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Wow. Yo ass know, when I was yo' age dis would have scared tha baggy-ass pants off of mah dirty ass. 

Da pimp ignores his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude looks up n' sees tha creepy clown from earlier wavin at his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude looks around, n' tha clown is gone.

 **DAD  
** Evan, biatch? Yo dawwwwg! What tha fuck iz it?

 **EVAN  
** I... I saw a cold-ass lil clown!

 **DAD  
** Don't be afraid of clowns. They're sick, they yo' playas. Okay, biatch? Come on.

INT EVAN'S HOME - NIGHT

Evanz muthafathas is asleep; he places a hand on his fuckin lil' dadz arm.

 **EVAN  
** Dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dad dawwwg!

 **DAD**  
(wakin slowly)  
Evan, biatch? What tha fuck iz it?

 **EVAN  
** Yo ass was right son! Dude is mah playa dawwwg!

 **DAD  
** Huh?

Dude looks up ta peep tha Clown holdin Evanz hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well shiiiit, it smilez yo. Dude screams. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. 


	3. ACT TWO

EXT. CARNIVAL - DAY

Da squeaky minivan pulls up outside tha carnival. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. They peep what tha fuck step tha fuck up ta be detectives poppin' off ta some carnies.

 **DEAN  
** Peep it out. Five-oh. 

SAM standz wit his handz up in his thugged-out lil' pockets as a three-foot-tall biatch up in a cold-ass lil clown tracksuit passes his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude stares at her, nervous, n' her big-ass booty stares back before movin on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. DEAN approaches.

 **DEAN  
** Did yo dirty ass git her number?

 **SAM**  
(scowling)  
Mo' murders?

 **DEAN  
** Two mo' last night fo' realz. Apparently they was ripped ta shredz fo' realz. And they had a lil pimp wit dem wild-ass muthafuckas. 

 **SAM  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck fingered a cold-ass lil clown.

DEAN pauses, givin SAM a weird look.

 **SAM  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, a cold-ass lil clown, whoz ass apparently vanished tha fuck into thin air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

 **SAM  
** Dean, you know, lookin fo' a cold-ass lil cursed object is like tryin ta find a needle up in a stack of needles. They could be anything.

 **DEAN  
** Well, itz bound ta give off EMF, so we'll just gotta scan every last muthafuckin thang. 

 **SAM  
** Oh, good, thatz sick and... inconspicuous. 

DEAN sees a "Help wanted... Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. S. Cooper" sign.

 **DEAN**  
I guess we'll just gotta blend in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.   


INT. BLIND MAN'S TENT - DAY 

A playa is throwin knives at a target; they all land near but not like on bulls-eye. 

 **DEAN  
** Excuse me, our slick asses lookin fo' a Mista Muthafuckin Cooper, have you peeped his ass around?

 **BLIND MAN  
** What tha fuck iz that, some kind of joke?

Dude pullz of his sunglasses; his thugged-out lil' punk-ass blind.

 **DEAN  
** Oh. God, I'm, I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.

 **BLIND MAN  
** Yo ass be thinkin I wouldn't give mah eyeteeth ta peep Mista Muthafuckin Cooper, biatch? Or a sunset, or anythang at all?

 **DEAN**  
(quietly, ta SAM)  
Wanna break me off a lil help here?

 **SAM  
** Not straight-up.

 **SHORT MAN  
** Yo dude, is there a problem?

DEAN turns, then looks down ta peep a mad short playa up in a red cape. 

 **BLIND MAN  
** Yeah, dis muthafucka hates blind people.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, I don't, I...

 **SHORT MAN  
** Yo dawg, whatz yo' problem?

 **DEAN  
** Nothing, itz just a lil misunderstanding.

 **SHORT MAN  
** Little?! Yo ass lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch!

 **DEAN**  
Fuck dat shit, no, no, no! I be just, could some muthafucka tell me where Mista Muthafuckin Cooper is?  
(Sam laughs.)  
Please?  


INT. MR. COOPER'S OFFICE

  1. **COOPER  
** Yo ass thugs picked a hell of a time ta join up. Take a seat.



DEAN looks all up in tha available chairs; one is normal, tha other is pink, wit a giant clownface on it yo. Dude beats SAM ta tha aiiight chair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM scowls, fidgetin before chillin gingerly up in tha clown chair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 

  1. **COOPER  
** We've gots all kindz of local shit. 



**DEAN  
** What do you mean?

  1. **COOPER  
** Oh, a cold-ass lil couple folks gots theyselves murdered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Cops always seem ta start here first. So, you two eva hit dat shiznit tha circuit before?



**SAM  
** Yes yes y'all, sir, last year all up in Texas n' Arkansas.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. 

  1. **COOPER  
** Bustin what, biatch? Ride jockies, biatch? Butcher, biatch? ANS men?



**SAM  
** Yeah, it's, uh, lil bit of every last muthafuckin thang, I guess. 

  1. **COOPER  
** Yo ass two have never hit dat shiznit a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass show up in yo' lives before, have yo slick ass?



**DEAN  
** Nope. But we straight-up need tha work. Oh, n' uh, Sam herez gots a thang fo' tha bearded lady. 

  1. **COOPER  
** Yo ass peep dat picture, biatch? Thatz mah daddy.



**SAM  
** Yo ass look just like his muthafuckin ass. 

  1. **COOPER  
** Dude was up in tha bidnizz. Ran a gangbangin' freakshow. Till they outlawed them, most places fo' realz. Apparently displayin tha deformed aint dignified. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! So most of tha muthafuckas went from real work ta rottin up in hospitizzlez n' asylums. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. Thatz progress. I guess. Yo ass see, dis place, itz a refuge fo' outcasts fo' realz. Always has been. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. For folks dat don't fit up in nowhere else. But you two, biatch? Yo ass should git all up in school. Find a cold-ass lil couple hoes yo. Have two point five kids. Live regular. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. 



DEAN be bout ta say somethang yo, but SAM leans forward, eyes straight-up n shit.

 **SAM  
** Sir, biatch? Us dudes don't wanna git all up in school fo' realz. And our phat asses don't want regular. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Us thugs want all dis bullshit. 

DEAN looks at SAM.

EXT. CARNIVAL - DAY

 **DEAN  
** Huh.

 **SAM  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** That whole, uh, I don't wanna go back ta school thang. Were you just sayin dat ta Cooper or was you, you know, sayin it, biatch? Sam?

 **SAM  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass don't give a fuck, biatch? I thought dat once tha demon was dead n' tha fat lady sings dat you was gonna take off, head back ta Wussy State.

 **SAM  
** I be havin second thoughts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. 

 **DEAN  
** Really?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. I think. Dad would have wanted mah crazy ass ta stick wit tha thang.

 **DEAN  
** Since when do you give a thugged-out damn what tha fuck Dad wanted, biatch? Yo ass dropped half yo' game bustin exactly what tha fuck da ruffneck didn't want, Sam.

 **SAM  
** Since da ruffneck died, aiiight, biatch? Do you gotz a problem wit that?

 **DEAN  
** Naw, I aint gots a problem at all. 

LATER

SAM is bustin a red "COOPER CARNIVAL" jacket n' pickin up trash, while surreptitiously scannin wit tha EMF reader n' shiznit yo. Dude goes tha fuck into tha funhouse, still scanning. A skeleton falls from tha ceiling; Sam scans it, not gettin a readin yo, but be lookin like dat schmoooove muthafucka has a idea.

EXT. CARNIVAL - DAY

Bustin a similar uniform jacket, DEAN is puttin trash tha fuck into a thugged-out dumpsta when his cell beeper rings. Dude picks up.

 **DEAN  
** Hello?

 **SAM (on phone)  
** Yo, man.

 **DEAN  
** Whatz tha matter, biatch? Yo ass sound like you just saw a cold-ass lil clown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **SAM  
** Straight-up funky. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Skeleton, actually.

 **DEAN  
** Like a real human skeleton?

 **SAM  
** In tha funhouse. Listen, I was thinking. What if tha spirit aint attached ta a cold-ass lil cursed object -- what tha fuck if itz attached ta its own remains?

 **DEAN  
** Did tha bones give off EMF?

 **SAM  
** Well, no yo, but -- 

 **DEAN  
** We should check it up anyway. I be headin ta you, biatch.

As dat schmoooove muthafucka hangs up tha phone, tha Blind Man grabs his thugged-out arm.

 **BLIND MAN  
** What is you bustin here, kid?

 **DEAN  
** I'm... I was just sweeping. 

 **BLIND MAN  
** Bull fo' realz. And what tha fuck was you poppin' off about, biatch? Skeletons, biatch? Whatz EMF?

 **DEAN  
** Dude, yo' blind playa hearin is outta control. 

 **BLIND MAN  
** We a tight-knit group. Us dudes don't like outsiders. We take care of our own problems. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. 

 **DEAN  
** We gots a problem?

 **BLIND MAN  
** Yo ass tell me -- you tha one poppin' off bout human bones. 

 **DEAN  
** Do you believe up in pimps?

 **BLIND MAN  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** My fuckin brutha n' mah dirty ass... umm. Us thugs freestylin a funky-ass book bout dem wild-ass muthafuckas. 

EXT. NEAR FUNHOUSE - DAY

Havin gotten away from Blind Guy, Dean approaches Sam.

 **SAM  
** What took you so long?

 **DEAN  
** Long story. 

 **LITTLE GIRL  
** Mommy, peep tha clown!

DEAN n' SAM both look over ta peep a lil hoe pointin at something.

 **MOM  
** What clown?

They look ta where tha lil hoe is pointin yo, but don't peep anything.

 **MOM  
** Come on, dopeie, come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

DEAN n' SAM share a look.

EXT. FAMILY'S HOME - NIGHT

DEAN n' SAM is on stakeout outside tha crewz home.

 **SAM  
** Dean, I cannot believe you holla'd at Papazian bout tha homicidal phantom clown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** I holla'd at his ass a urban legend on some homicidal phantom clown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I never holla'd dat shiznit was real. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. 

DEAN pulls a glock n' cocks dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM grabs at it, pushin DEAN'S handz down.

 **SAM  
** Keep dat down!

 **DEAN  
** Oh, n' git all dis bullshit. I mentioned tha Bunker Brotherz Circus up in '81 n' their, uh, evil clown apocalypse, biatch? Guess what.

 **SAM  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Before Mista Muthafuckin Cooper owned Cooper Carnival, da thug hit dat shiznit fo' Bunker Brothers yo. Dude was they lot manager.

 **SAM  
** So you be thinkin whatever tha spiritz attached to, Cooper just brought it wit him?

 **DEAN  
** Somethang like dis shit. (Shakes his head, sighs.) I can't believe we keep poppin' off bout clowns. 

LATER

DEAN is dozin as a light goes on up in tha dinin room. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM shakes his ass awake. Inside, tha lil hoe goes ta tha front door, where tha phantom clown is waiting.

 **LITTLE GIRL  
** Wanna come up in n' play?

Da clown nods, takes her hand n' is hustled inside. 


	4. ACT THREE

INT. FAMILY HOME - NIGHT

As tha hoe leadz tha clown down tha hallway, DEAN n' SAM is already hidin up in wait, weapons ready.

 **LITTLE GIRL  
** Wanna peep Mommy n' Daddy, biatch? They're upstairs. 

SAM leaps up n' grabs tha girl, whoz ass starts screaming, as DEAN blasts tha clown up in tha chest. Well shiiiit, it falls on its back, then gets up as DEAN is cockin tha shotgun again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, peep out!

Da clown leaps up tha window, turnin invisible as it runs away. Da muthafathas come rushin out.

 **DAD  
** Whatz goin on here, biatch? Git away from my-- 

 **MOM  
** Oh mah god, what tha fuck is you bustin ta mah daughter?!

 **DAD  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck tha hell is yo slick ass, biatch? Git up son! Git outta mah house!

DEAN n' SAM leave tha hoe n' run away terribly fast. 

 **LITTLE GIRL  
** Mommy, Daddy, they blasted mah clown!

EXT. BACKROAD - DAY

DEAN n' SAM have parked tha minivan off tha side of a road n' is diggin up they belongings - includin tha license plates. 

 **SAM  
** Yo ass straight-up be thinkin they saw our plates?

 **DEAN  
** I don't wanna take tha chance. Besides, I don't give a fuck bout dis friggin' thang anyway. 

They start struttin down tha road.

 **DEAN  
** Well, one thangz fo' sure.

 **SAM  
** Whatz that?

 **DEAN  
** We not dealin wit a spirit, n' I aint talkin bout no muthafuckin Jack Daniels neither. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I mean, dat rock salt hit suttin' solid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 

 **SAM  
** Yeah, a person, biatch? Or maybe a cold-ass lil creature dat can make itself invisible?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, n' dresses up like a cold-ass lil clown fo' kicks, biatch? Did it say anythang up in Dadz journal?

 **SAM**  
Nope.   
(Sam clears throat, pulls up his beeper)

 **DEAN  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is you calling?

 **SAM  
** Maybe Ellen or dat muthafucka Ash'll know something. Yo, you think, uh, you be thinkin Dad n' Ellen eva had a thang?

 **DEAN  
** No way.

 **SAM  
** Then why didn't tha pimpin' muthafucka tell our asses bout her?

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a fuck, maybe they had some sort of fallin out. 

 **SAM**  
Yeah. Yo ass eva notice Dad had a gangbangin' fallin up wit just bout everybody?  
(Dean nodz casually; Sam lowers tha phone.)  
Well, don't git all maudlin on me, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** What do you mean?

 **SAM  
** I mean dis "strong silent" thang of yours, itz crap.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, god.

 **SAM  
** I be over dat shit. This aint just mah playas we poppin' off about, dis is Dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I know how tha fuck you felt bout tha man.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know what, back off, all right, biatch? Just cuz I aint carin n' pluggin like you want me to.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, no, no, thatz not what tha fuck dis be about, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I couldn't give a fuckin shiznit how tha fuck you deal wit all dis bullshit. But you gotta deal wit it, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Listen, I be yo' brother, all right, biatch? I just wanna make shizzle you aiiight.

 **DEAN  
** Dude, I be aiiight. I be aiiight, aiiight, biatch? I swear, tha next thug whoz ass asks me if I be aiiight, I'ma start throwin punches. These is yo' issues, quit dumpin dem on me biaatch!

 **SAM  
** What is you poppin' off about?

 **DEAN  
** I just be thinkin itz straight-up interesting, dis sudden obedience you gotta Dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It aint nuthin but like, oh, what tha fuck would Dad want me ta do, biatch? Sam, you dropped yo' entire game sluggin it up wit dat man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I mean, hell, you, you picked a gangbangin' fight wit his ass tha last time you eva saw his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. And now dat da ruffneck dead, now you wanna make it right, biatch? Well, I be sorry as a muthafucka Sam yo, but you can't, itz too lil, too late. 

 **SAM  
** Why is you sayin dis ta me son?

 **DEAN  
** Because I want you ta be real wit yo ass bout all dis bullshit. I be dealin wit Dadz dirtnap! Is yo slick ass?

 **SAM swallows, looks upset.  
** I be goin ta booty-call Ellen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

LATER

Further down tha road, SAM is hangin up tha phone.

 **SAM**  
Thanks all muthafuckin day. It make me wanna hollar playa!   
(to Dean)  
Rakshasa. 

 **DEAN  
** Whatz that?

 **SAM  
** Ellenz dopest guess. It aint nuthin but a race of ancient Hindu creatures. They step tha fuck up in human form, they feed on human flesh, they can make theyselves invisible, n' they cannot enta a home without first bein invited.

 **DEAN  
** So they dress up like clowns, n' tha lil pimps invite 'em in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Why don't they just munch on tha kids?

 **SAM  
** No idea. Not enough meat on tha bones, maybe?

 **DEAN  
** What else'd you smoke up?

 **SAM  
** Well, apparently, Rakshasas live up in squalor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They chill on a funky-ass bed of dead insects, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. 

 **DEAN  
** Nice.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, n' they gotta feed all dem times every last muthafuckin twenty or thirty years. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Slow metabolism, I guess.

 **DEAN  
** Well, dat make sense. I mean, tha Carnival todizzle, tha Bunker Brothers up in '81

 **SAM  
** Right. Probably mo' before dis shit. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo Sam, whoz ass do we know dat hit dat shiznit both shows?

 **SAM  
** Cooper?

 **DEAN  
** Cooper n' shit. 

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, dat picture of his wild lil' father, dat looked just like his muthafuckin ass. 

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass be thinkin maybe dat shiznit was him?

 **SAM  
** Well, whoz ass knows how tha fuck oldschool he is?

 **DEAN  
** Ellen say how tha fuck ta bust a cap up in him?

 **SAM  
** Legend goes, a thugged-out dagger made of pure brass. 

 **DEAN  
** I be thinkin I know where ta git one of them.

 **SAM  
** Well, before we go stabbin thangs tha fuck into Cooper, we goin ta wanna make damn shizzle itz his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, you such a stickla fo' details, Sammy. (They smile at each other.) All right, I be bout ta round up tha blade, you go check if Cooperz gots bedbugs. 

EXT. CARNIVAL - NIGHT

SAM picks tha lock on Cooperz traila n' goes inside. Elsewhere, tha Blind Man is leadin DEAN.

 **BLIND MAN  
** Well, I've gots all kindz of knives. I don't give a fuck if I've gots a funky-ass brass one, though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. 

In COOPER'S trailer, SAM pulls up a pocket knife n' starts slicin open tha mattress fo' realz. A shotgun cocks behind him; COOPER is there, pointin tha glock at his muthafuckin ass.

 **COOPER  
** What do you be thinkin you bustin?

In BLIND MAN'S trailer, he leadz DEAN up in n' taps a trunk wit his cane. 

 **BLIND MAN  
** Peep tha trunk. 

DEAN opens tha trunk n' findz a red clown wig. Dude pauses, stands. 

 **DEAN  
** You?

BLIND MAN drops his cane, pulls off his wild lil' freakadelic glasses; his wild lil' fuckin eyes look normal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Me. His eyes git cloudy, his wild lil' grill begins ta melt yo. Dude waves, then his wild lil' grill disappears, cheshire-cat steez wit his wild lil' fuckin eyes glowin last. 


	5. ACT FOUR

DEAN strugglez wit tha door up in BLIND MAN'S trailer, tryin ta git up fo' realz. A knife flies past his head ta bury up in tha door yo. Dude jumps fo' realz. Another landz wit a thunk a lil higher.

 **DEAN yells  
** All right playa!

Dude manages ta git tha door open n' books it outta there, tumbling. Outside, SAM sees his muthafuckin ass. 

 **SAM  
** Yo dawwwwg!

 **DEAN  
** Hey.

 **SAM  
** So, Cooper be thinkin I be a Peepin Tom yo, but it aint his muthafuckin ass. 

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, so I gathered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It aint nuthin but tha blind muthafucka. Dat punk here somewhere.

 **SAM  
** Well, did you git tha -- 

 **DEAN  
** Da brass blades, biatch? No. Fuck dat shit, itz just been one of dem days. 

 **SAM  
** I gots a idea. Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

They enta tha funhouse; as they go through, a thugged-out door slams between dem wild-ass muthafuckas. They struggle ta open dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Sam!

 **SAM  
** Dean! Dean, find tha maze, aiiight?

SAM findz a pipe organ, which is givin off steam yo. Dude grabs fo' one of tha pipes yo, but itz too hot. Gah! SAM says, flinchin from tha heat yo. Dude takes suttin' from his thugged-out lil' pocket n' starts pullin off a pipe. DEAN comes round tha corner.

 **DEAN  
** Hey.

 **SAM  
** Yo dawwwwg! Where is it?

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a fuck, I mean, shouldn't we peep its threadz struttin around?

A knife flies past Dean, pinnin his sleeve ta tha wall fo' realz. Another one pins his wrist.

 **DEAN  
** Sam!

SAM pulls tha pipe all tha way off n' stalks forward slowly fo' realz. A knife flies past his head; da ruffneck dodges. 

 **SAM  
** Dean, where is he?

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a fuck! 

DEAN reaches up n' pulls a lever; mo' steam pours from tha pipe organ, givin a vague shape ta tha invisible attacker, which DEAN sees.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, behind you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? Behind you, nahmean biiiatch?

SAM stabs tha pipe behind his ass without lookin yo. Dude turns n' sees it buried up in tha still-invisible creature, blood pourin from tha wound. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN manages ta free his dirty ass. They look ta where itz fallen n' peep only empty threadz n' a funky-ass bloody pipe. 

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a fuck bout funhouses. 


	6. ACT FIVE

INT. ROADHOUSE SALOON - DAY

DEAN n' SAM is chillin all up in tha bar; ELLEN lays down a cold-ass lil couple brews. 

 **ELLEN  
** Yo ass thugs did a hell of a thang. Yo crazy-ass dad'd be proud as a muthafucka as a muthafucka.

 **SAM  
** Thanks.

JO, chillin down on tha other side of DEAN, gives SAM a look. 

 **SAM  
** Oh yeah, um, I've gotta... uh, uh, I've gotta go. Over there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Right now, nahmeean, biatch? 

 **JO  
** So. (clears throat)

 **DEAN  
** So.

 **JO  
** Am I gonna peep you again?

 **DEAN  
** Do you want to?

 **JO  
** I wouldn't don't give a fuck bout dat shit. 

 **DEAN  
** Hmm. Can I be real wit yo slick ass, biatch? See, normally I'd be hittin on you so fast it'd make yo' head spin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But, uh, these days... I don't give a gangbangin' fuck.

 **JO  
** Wrong place, wack time, biatch? (she says, pointin at her mom)

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **JO  
** It aint nuthin but all gravy, I git dat shit. 

Da back door opens n' ASH enters, carryin tha folda n' a funky-ass bizarre lookin laptop. 

 **ASH  
** Where you muthafuckas been, biatch? Been waitin' fo' ya.

 **SAM  
** Us thugs was hustlin a thang, Ash. Clowns?

 **ASH  
** Clowns, biatch? What tha --

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass gots suttin' fo' us, Ash?

ASH sets tha laptop down on a table. Well shiiiit, it looks homemade, wit exposed wiring.

 **SAM  
** Did yo dirty ass find tha demon?

 **ASH  
** It aint nuthin but nowhere around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! At least, nowhere I can find. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But if dis fugly bastard raises his head, I be bout ta know. I mean, I be on it like Divine on dawg dookie.

 **SAM  
** What do you mean?

 **ASH  
** I mean, any of dem signs or omens appear, anywhere up in tha ghetto, mah rig'll go off. Like a gangbangin' fire alarm. 

DEAN reaches fo' tha laptop.

 **DEAN  
** Do you mind...

ASH gives his ass a look. DEAN pulls his hand back from tha keyboard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **ASH  
** Yeah.

 **ASH  
** Whatz good, man?

 **SAM  
** Ash, where did you learn ta do all this?

 **ASH  
** M.I.T. Before I gots bounced for... fighting. 

 **SAM  
** M.I.T.?

 **ASH  
** It aint nuthin but a school up in Boston. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

 **DEAN  
** Okay. Give our asses a cold-ass lil call as soon as you know something?

 **ASH  
** Si, si, compadre.

DEAN takes another sip of his brew, then sets it down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. ASH picks it up n' drinks. DEAN n' SAM head fo' tha door.

 **ELLEN  
** Yo, listen -- if you thugs need a place ta stay I've gots a cold-ass lil couple bedz up back. 

 **DEAN  
** Thanks yo, but no. Therez suttin' I gotta finish. 

 **ELLEN  
** Okay.

EXT. JUNKYARD - DAY

DEAN is hustlin on tha hoopty again, SAM pacin nearby. 

 **SAM  
** Yo ass was right.

 **DEAN  
** Bout what?

 **SAM**  
Bout me n' Dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be sorry as a muthafucka dat tha last time I was wit his ass I tried ta pick a gangbangin' fight. I be sorry as a muthafucka dat I dropped most of mah game mad salty at his muthafuckin ass. I mean, fo' all I know da ruffneck took a dirt nap thankin dat I don't give a fuck bout his muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So you right. What I be bustin up in dis biatch, itz too lil. It aint nuthin but too late. (His lips tremble.)  
(beat)  
I miss him, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And I feel guilty as a muthafucka fo' realz. And I aint all right. Not at all. (Tears up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes.) But neither is you, biatch. That much I know.  
(pause)  
I be bout ta let you git back ta work.

SAM leaves. DEAN is still fo' a moment yo. Dude picks up a cold-ass lil crowbar n' smashes tha window of a nearby car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Then da perved-out muthafucka starts slammin it tha fuck into tha trunk of his own car, over n' over n' shit. Well shiiiit, it clattas ta tha ground, n' DEAN looks afta where SAM has gone, lip trembling.


End file.
